


Alright

by lxurelxi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Character Death, Depression, I'm Sorry, Loneliness, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-01 22:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10202345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxurelxi/pseuds/lxurelxi
Summary: It’s been a while since Iwaizumi left last Autumn. Left without reason, left without saying goodbye, and left in the middle of the night while Tooru slept. Leaving his childhood friend, and lover of seven years, behind with more heart break than he could handle.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I felt really angsty one day so I wrote this. I have to apologize in advanced it's probably really sad and probably really bad.

_**What doesn’t kill you.** _

_**Makes you wish you were dead.** _

It’s been a while since Iwaizumi left last Autumn. Left without reason, left without saying goodbye, and left in the middle of the night while Tooru slept. Leaving his childhood friend, and lover of seven years, behind with more heart break than he could handle.

_**Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper.** _

_**And I can’t take…** _

For a while Tooru was numb, mind and body still stuck in a time where Iwaizumi was there to give him hug and tell him that “It’d be _alright_ ”. Still stuck in a time where every Friday night they’d make tea and sit on the couch watching stupid alien movies. Still stuck in a time where Iwaizumi loved him.

_**One more moment of this silence.** _

_**The loneliness is haunting me.** _

After that, the pain faded, but the hollow feeling in Tooru’s chest remained. He had friends that loved and supported him and yet, a part of him always knew someone was missing. He’d put on a smile and fake a laugh, he’d pretend to be strong and someday, he’d move on. Until then, his heart would remain broken.

_**And the weight of the world is getting harder to hold up.** _

_**It comes in waves.** _

Even after Iwaizumi left Tooru remained in the apartment they shared together; hoping that maybe one day Iwaizumi would return and explain everything. Reminders of their relationship littered the house, Tooru in too much pain to even bother cleaning up all the things that hurt him.

_**Hold my breath.** _

_**And let it bury me.** _

They were simple things. A coffee mug that sat on the kitchen counter, a smiley face messily painted on by Tooru’s nephew; it was given to Iwaizumi for Christmas one year. Tooru can still remember the way he had smiled when he got the present and how proud his nephew had been. Memories like that haunted him.

_**I’m not okay.** _

_**And It’s not alright.** _

Tooru’s heart ached when he walked down the hall, pictures of the two of them and all their friends lined the hallway. Tooru can’t remember the last time he smiled, at least the way he used to. Nothing in life made him happy anymore, like life had suddenly been drained of its color.

_**Won’t you drain the lake.** _

_**And bring me home again.** _

He broke every single one. They shattered against his fists and fell in pieces. Blood dripped from his fingers, and palms, slowly, like the time without Iwaizumi. The pain was excruciating and yet, it wasn’t enough to make him forget. Maybe if he waited the pain would go away, maybe then everything would be _alright_.

_**Who will fix me now?** _

_**Dive in when I’m down?** _

When they found Tooru, it was almost too late. He had lost too much blood by the time they took him out of the house. After months of agony his body was giving up. He could finally close his eye without seeing memories of his past with Iwaizumi. Oikawa Tooru was ready. Ready to finally be _alright_.

_**Save me from myself.** _

_**Don’t let me Drown.** _

“Don’t give up,” Tooru could hear Iwaizumi’s voice in the back of his mind. He sounded desperate, heartbroken, utterly destroyed. Tooru almost believed it was really Iwaizumi, but Iwaizumi left and wasn’t coming back. Tooru was tired, he was tired of living without Iwaizumi.

**_What doesn’t destroy you._ **

**_Leaves you broken instead_ **

His friends told him things would be alright, they said the pain would go away over time, they said he’d move on and find someone better. It was all lies. Things aren’t _alright_ , the pain didn’t go away and there was no one better than Iwaizumi.

_**Got a hole in my soul growing deeper, and deeper** _

_**And I can’t take…** _

It took three days for Tooru to regain consciousness, by then there were ten people present in the room. Five were Tooru’s family, they were the ones that had found him. Four were Tooru’s friends’, those who were closest to him. One, one was Iwaizumi Hajime, the cause of all of Tooru’s troubles. The reason for Tooru’s pain.

_**One more moment of this silence** _

_**The loneliness is haunting me** _

No one said anything at first, silence fell the moment Tooru’s eyes opened. Slowly he blinked, eyes adjusting to the bright lights and nose burning at the cliché smell of rubbing alcohol. Bleary eyed, Tooru went to sit up, pain flashing in his palms like a heat wave.

_**And the weight of the world is getting harder to hold up** _

_**It comes in waves** _

He dropped back into the stiff hospital bed, too weak to try again. Tooru’s father leaned over to his mother and whispered something then quickly left the room, and nine were left. “Tooru, honey, your father went to find a doctor. Tell me if anything is wrong, Okay? Are you feeling _alright_?”

**_I close my eyes_ **

**_Hold my breath_ **

The truth was, Tooru wasn’t _alright_. In fact, nothing in his life was _alright_. It’d been a while since he’d lost his job and it would be a short time before his rent was due. His life was in shambles and he blamed it entirely on Iwaizumi. However, the truth was, it was entirely his own fault.

_**And let it bury me** _

_**I’m not okay** _

Never in his life had Tooru given up on things even when he failed. And yet as he lay in a hospital bed, weak and broken, staring his problems in the face, he realized that he’d given up a long time before this. “Why? Why did you leave me on my own?”

_**And It’s not alright** _

_**Won’t you drain the lake** _

Tooru wanted to shout in his face, he wanted to get out of the bed and demand to know why he abandoned him. Tears began to brim at Tooru’s eye’s thinking about the months of isolation he spent, yearning for an answer. He wondered if he’d ever get his answer, and even now as he stares Iwaizumi in the face he’s still not sure he ever will.

_**And bring me home again** _

_**Who will fix me now?** _

It was impossible to imagine Iwaizumi ever hating him, and yet there must’ve been some reason why he left. Years of self-doubt suddenly caught up with Tooru, he could breathe. Hands shaking and heart pounding, Tooru felt like he was losing control of his own body.

_**Dive in when I’m down?** _

_**Save me from myself** _

The white lights suddenly became all too bright, the needle in his arm burned like it was suddenly full of acid. Tooru’s head swam as the sound of his heart monitor became violent and inconsistent. It was all too much to take in at one time, vision blurred in and out of focus all at once disorienting to world into so many bright colors.

_**Don’t let me drown** _

_**Who will make me fight?** _

Red, he saw so much red. But Tooru didn’t mind red, after all that was Iwaizumi’s favorite color, he can remember smiling at the thought of that. “Stay with me Oikawa! You can’t give up on me now!” Iwaizumi’s favorite color was red, like cherries and strawberries, like robins and those Skittles that he loved so much.

_**Drag me out alive?** _

_**Save me from myself** _

“You can’t leave me Oikawa; you’re going to be _alright_!” Tooru had always thought he was so strange when he’d empty out a bag of Skittles just to sort through and eat the red ones first. Personally, he’d always favored the greens more, but it never stopped him from stealing one or two just to make Iwaizumi mad.

_**Don’t let me drown** _

_**You know that I can’t do this on my own** _

It was the simple things like those memories that burned in Tooru’s chest. They pulled at his soul and tore away at his heart. They hurt so much, and yet, those memories were the reason why it was so easy to let go. Tooru had enough happy memories with Iwaizumi to fill a lifetime.

_**Who will fix me now?** _

_**Dive in when I’m down?** _

After that things got quiet, the monitor fell silent and Tooru could no longer here the desperate pleas from his loved ones. The world around him fell away and the pain seemed to fade, he felt…calm. Like his mind, body and soul were suddenly at peace.

**_Save me from myself_ **

**_Don’t let me drown_ **

When Tooru opened his eyes he didn’t see the blinding hospital lights. Instead, he saw his living room, he and Iwaizumi sitting and sipping on their tea and watching some terrible alien movie. Tooru smiles, maybe in the end everything was going to be _alright_ after all.


End file.
